BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
"...Oh Christ, what's that?"
"It's bloody Spalding banging his own drum again."
"Really? Is this blog now just dedicated to an irregular report of his flippin' book sales?"
"Seems that way. You'd think he'd come up with more than one post a month wouldn't you?"
"I know. It's pathetic."
TOOTLE TOOTLE TOOTLE TOOTLE TOOTLE
"He's blowing his own trumpet."
"Surely he could have come up with a better onomatopoeia than 'tootle'?"
"You'd think so, him being a writer and all."
"Pfft. I'm frankly amazed he can sell as many as 365,000 ebooks at Amazon if that's the best he can come up with."
"It's the shitting into a pedal bin. The punters can't resist a good gross-out gag."
BANG TOOTLE BANG TOOTLE BANG TOOTLE BANG TOOTLE
"He's trying to do both at once now. It can only end in disaster."
BANG TOOTLE BANG TOOT - AAAAAARRRGGGHHH!! CRASH SMASH BASH
"See? What a numpty."
Hello there. Thanks for dropping by. Please put your feet up and relax - though you might want to brush the chair off first, I had pizza last night and I am, if nothing else, a messy bugger.
Here you'll find lots of information about me and my books. Most of it will probably be the truth as well, which is rare for the internet, in my experience. Enjoy!