Hello there. Thanks for dropping by. Please put your feet up and relax - though you might want to brush the chair off first, I had pizza last night and I am, if nothing else, a messy bugger.
Here you'll find lots of information about me and my books. Most of it will probably be the truth as well, which is rare for the internet, in my experience. Enjoy!

Friday, 28 December 2012

A great 2012 all things considered... and a huge thank you!

It's after Christmas and just before new year, so I thought I'd enter into a bit of self indulgent navel-gazing before the clock strikes midnight in a few days and we all attempt to sing Auld Lang Syne without sounding like a herd of drunken water buffalo.

This self reflection is apparently a popular past time for anyone in the entertainment industry at this time of year, given the amount of TV shows and website articles I've seen floating about on that theme - and who am I to go against such an ingrained tradition?

Here we go, then...

The past twelve months have been, to put it mildly, rather enjoyable for yours truly.

I started the year by moving to the sunny climes of Australia for six months and ended it as a best selling ebook author, with the kind of paperback publishing deal most struggling writers would kill for.

...yep, I am that word you're thinking right now, aren't I?

Having spent the first three months avoiding sun burn and fatal shark bites, it was April when things really started to get going for my writing career. Up to that point I'd been bumping along making a fairly decent amount of money and gaining a nice following online, but then Love... From Both Sides exploded into the top ten in the second week of April, changing everything.

Since then it has sold over 230,000 ebooks at Amazon.

In total I've now passed 400,000 ebook sales, making me one of the most successful (and probably smug) authors of 2012.

Those sales figures in turn led to getting an agent, who thus far has done a bang up job of scoring publishing deals across the world... with more to come in 2013 with any luck.

The biggest deal was of course with Hodder & Stoughton in the UK, which will see all three of the Love... books available in major high street bookshops, starting with the release of Love... From Both Sides at the end of January.

***

Now, this is all lovely and good, but none of it has stopped the fact that my hair in thinning on the crown of my head, I can't seem to shift the mild spare tyre I've acquired over the past few months no matter how many miles I do on the treadmill, and still have to get up to pee at least once a night.

Success may bring a high degree of happiness, by you try telling my digestive system that.

***

Anyway...

Thanks of course go to you lot for ponying up the cash and buying all those books I mentioned above, before I started moaning about my malfunctioning body parts.

Without your support through-out 2012 (and years previous) Nick Spalding would not currently be sitting at his desk with a stupid smile on his face, looking forward to what he hopes will be an even better 2013.

Please continue to send me emails, Facebook messages and Tweets whenever you like. I always try to answer as many as possible. After all, you can have all the publishers, agents, editors, media organisations and PR consultants you like supporting you, but if the punters don't like the cut of your jib you're precisely fucking nowhere, aren't you?

***

Have a happy, prosperous New Year. Try not to do anything too embarrassing on New Year's Eve.

If you do, feel free to email me about it and I'll stick it in a book (it's a strategy that seems to have worked quite well so far).

Best wishes,

Nick.

Tuesday, 25 December 2012

Make your Christmas Day complete with a slice of Spalding!

 A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL!

To commemorate this most enjoyable of days, here's a badly Photoshopped picture of me:



Feel free to print it off and terrorise the cat with it while the Queen's speech is on.

I hope you're all having a fun, happy and exciting Christmas, and that you got everything you wanted. I received a Tassimo coffee machine, which has already become the best piece of electronic wizardry in my life, judging by the delicious latte I've just made with it.

I hope, like me, that you're getting to spend the day with the people you love the most. After all, that's what Christmas is really all about isn't it?

...

Right... that's more than enough of that sentimental rubbish, let's get down to what Christmas is really all about: getting you to buy stuff.

Were you lucky enough to unwrap a lovely new e-reader or tablet this morning? Or did you buy one for somebody very special in your life?

If so, why not exponentially increase its comedy value by buying and downloading one (or more) of my books onto it?

There are currently five to choose from (six if you count a pre-order), so why not pop right over to one of the lovely ebook retailers listed below and pick up something to put a smile on your face over the rest of the holiday season?

Nick's books at Amazon

Nick's books at Hodder & Stoughton

Nick's books at Kobo

Nick's books at iTunes

Nick's books at Nook

If you hear that anyone you know has bought an e-reader, why not recommend them my books too?

...

Oh God, all this shameless self promotion is making me sick... though it could also be the half tin of Quality Street I've porked since I got up this morning.

I think I've just got chance to remind you that the paperback version of Love... From Both Sides will be released on January 31st, along with the ebook of Love... From Different Skies, before my stomach rolls over again.

I'd better stop this blog post now and go eat a tub of Andrews Liver Salts.

Merry Christmas everybody!!

Nick

Monday, 24 December 2012

The best and happiest Christmas story of them all...

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except... 

...the four assholes coming in the rear in standard two-by-two cover formation.'

Because nothing says Yuletide fun like mother f**king 



Hope you're having a lovely Christmas Eve.

Nick
(and Bruce).



Thursday, 20 December 2012

Here's the story of Love... Under Different Skies!

Here's the story for my new book Love... Under Different Skies, the third in the Love... trilogy:




Sometimes, the hardest part of staying together is keeping a straight face...

Ever wish you could leave all your problems behind and make a fresh start somewhere else? Trade the stresses and strains of everyday life for your own slice of sun-kissed paradise on the other side of the world?

Jamie and Laura Newman certainly have.

When Jamie’s spectacular meltdown at work results in him being handed his P45, and Laura finds her working days end up with her rugby tackling defenceless pensioners in the high street, a move ten thousand miles away sounds ideal. After all, it might mend some of the cracks that have appeared in their marriage over the past few months…

So when Laura is offered a new job in Australia, the Newman family think their dreams have come  true. But as the old saying goes - be careful what you wish for, you just might get it. As the hapless couple soon find out, problems have a way of following you, no matter how far you go to avoid them.

Can love survive under different skies?


Love... Under Different Skies will be released in ebook format on Thursday, January 31st, and in paperback later in the year.

You can pre-order it now at Amazon and Apple iTunes.

View the book's page at Hodder 

Friday, 7 December 2012

The new NEW cover for Love... From Both Sides

To show that this book publishing lark is a something of an evolutionary process, here's the new cover design for Love... From Both Sides:


This is the new, new cover design, as opposed to the old new cover design that came out in October to replace the old, old cover design that I threw together all on my own last year.

The reason for the change?

My publishers spoke to the book retailers, and between them they decided on a new cover design that they both felt would look and sell better on the bookshelves.

My suggestion was roundly shouted down unfortunately:


Bloody philistines.

So there you have it. The new cover is up online now for the ebook and it's the one you'll see in the book stores next year.

Love... From Both Sides is released in paperback on Thursday 31st January.

Let me just repeat that date in a large colourful font:

THURSDAY 31ST JANUARY

Once more, this time in a delightful shade of purple:

THURSDAY 31ST JANUARY

Thanks very much.

I'm now off to prepare my defence for when Stephenie Meyers lawyers come calling.

Nick.

Tuesday, 13 November 2012

Buy my self-published books for 99p!

For a very limited time I'm offering my three self-published books for the discounted price of 99p at ebook retailers, so grab 'em while they're cheap!

LIFE... WITH NO BREAKS


Nick Spalding tried to write a book in 24 hours. Turns out that's impossible... it took 30!

Life... With No Breaks is a unique, hilarious and heartfelt look at the modern world we live in, told by a master story-teller with much to say - and only a weekend to say it in.


You'll laugh out loud reading Nick's odyssey of non-stop writing in a collection of anecdotes, asides and stories - all dredged up from an over-stimulated brain functioning on caffeine, nicotine and the occasional chocolate biscuit.


The book is a conversation with you, and with Nick you'll venture into the thorny topics of love, life, sex, horribly timed bowel movements and a deathly fear of sponges (among many other things).


After you've read Life... With No Breaks, you may never look at the world the same way again!


Amazon
Kobo
iBooks

LIFE... ON A HIGH


Nick Spalding is back... and this time he's airborne!

By popular demand (and because those counselling sessions won't pay for themselves) Nick returns in the sequel to Life... With No Breaks - with a new collection of anecdotes, stories and asides.

This time he's writing at 40,000 feet... and what better way is there to kill forty eight hours on a round trip to Australia than holding another conversation with you?

Sit back - don't worry, we're in Business Class so the seats are comfortable - put your feet up, and laugh out loud as Nick wends his merry way through a plethora of subjects, including age, hobbies, crime, dating the wrong women and pretending to be a banana (among many other things).

After you've read Life... On A High, you may never look at the rest of the world the same way again!



Amazon
Kobo
iBooks


MAX BLOOM IN... THE CORNERSTONE


A great book will transport you to another world... literally, if you're not careful.

On a gloomy Thursday afternoon, Max Bloom enters his local library in a last ditch attempt to stave off an epic case of teenage boredom. Among the hushed stacks he discovers The Cornerstone, an ancient book tucked away on a dusty, forgotten shelf. Opening the cover, Max is instantly transported to an alternate dimension full of things intent on killing him - thus avoiding boredom with remarkable success.


He meets a beautiful girl called Merelie (brilliant), who tells him he could be a Wordsmith, a sorcerer able to craft magic from the written word itself, one strong enough to save both their worlds from the Dwellers - hideous monsters from beyond the universe (not so brilliant).


This all sounds completely unbelievable. The kind of thing you'd read in a fantasy novel. But The Cornerstone doesn't lie... and the danger is very real.


In a world threatened by monsters, where books are worshipped and powerful magic exists, Max Bloom must make a choice: close The Cornerstone and run home - or trust Merelie, become a Wordsmith, and save two worlds from certain destruction... 



Amazon
Kobo
iBooks




Thursday, 8 November 2012

OUT NOW! Love... And Sleepless Nights - the brand new extended version!

You can now buy the brand new, extended ebook edition of Love... And Sleepless Nights at all good retailers!

This new edition is published by Coronet Books - an imprint of Hodder & Stoughton - and features over fifteen thousand extra words, two new chapters and extended sections throughout. All in all, it's almost a third again as long as the old version.

More Jamie, more Laura, more laughs, more romance, more Poppy!

...who remains resolutely not Chinese throughout.

Buy it at the following retailers by clicking the links:

AMAZON

ITUNES

KOBO

SONY READER STORE

You can also pre-order the paperback version now at 
AmazonWaterstonesWH Smith
Released June 2013.

For those who may not have read the book yet, here's the front cover and the description:


Sometimes, the hardest part of becoming a parent is keeping a straight face...

Just ask Jamie and Laura Newman, who (thanks to a rather relaxed attitude to contraception) find themselves about to have a baby. It's obviously a terrifying prospect for a newly married couple, but as long as they stick together they'll be just fine... right?

They'd better because the path between falling in love and those first few baby steps is littered with obstacles. Featuring a hilarious cast of characters including an overbearing mother-in-law, a terrifying midwife and at least one chorus of mating humpback whales, Love... And Sleepless Nights is the hilarious follow up novel all about what happens beyond the happy ever after.

Falling in love with another person is easy, making a new one is where things get complicated.

Thursday, 25 October 2012

OUT NOW! The brand new, extended edition of Love... From Both Sides!

You can now buy the brand new, extended ebook edition of Love... From Both Sides at all good retailers!

This new edition is published by Coronet Books - an imprint of Hodder & Stoughton - and features nearly twenty thousand extra words, four new chapters and extended sections throughout. All in all, it's almost a third again as long as the old version.

More Jamie, more Laura, more laughs, more romance!

...but thankfully no more shitting into a pedal bin.

Buy it at the following retailers by clicking the links:

AMAZON

ITUNES

KOBO

SONY READER STORE

You can also pre-order the paperback version now at 
Amazon, Waterstones, WH Smith and Foyles.
Released January 17th.

For those who may not have read the book yet, here's the front cover and the description:



When Nick Spalding self-published Love... From Both Sides and Love... And Sleepless Nights he became one of the bestselling ebook authors of 2012. Now for the first time the Love... books are being published in a longer format with more of the love story, more of Laura and Jamie's ups and downs and more of the laugh-out-loud hilarious moments that fans have come to know and love.
Sometimes, the hardest part of finding love is keeping a straight face...
For Jamie Newman, being a single guy isn't proving to be much fun, especially when confronted with a sexually belligerent divorcee and a goddess so far out of his league she might as well be a different species.
Mind you, being a girl in search of love isn't a bowl of cherries either. Just ask Laura McIntyre, who's recently contended with a horny estate agent on a quest for light relief and a rabid mountain bike enthusiast with a penchant for lycra that leaves little to the imagination.
When Jamie and Laura bump into one another (quite literally) it looks like their luck may have changed - but sometimes finding the right person is only the start of your problems...
Love... From Both Sides is a warts-and-all romantic comedy for everyone who knows how tricky the quest for love can be.
______________

Friday, 5 October 2012

I have signed a three book deal with Hodder & Stoughton - including third Love... title!

Hi folks,

I've got some big news I'd like to share with you.

You can read the main story by clicking this link: http://www.thebookseller.com/news/coronet-signs-self-published-hit-spalding.html  Go take a look, have a read and come back here when you're done.

...

Back?
Pretty cool, eh?

Yes, the publishing industry has finally gone completely nuts and is allowing Spading into its ranks - and I couldn't be more excited about it.

Under Hodder's imprint Coronet Books, you'll soon be able to buy brand new versions of Love... From Both Sides and Love... And Sleepless Nights everywhere that sells good books (and bad ones as well, but we won't talk about them for fear of involuntary association). Both books have been extensively revised with oodles of added content over 15,000 words each - thus justifying me the opportunity to fleece you for them twice, both in ebook and paperback formats.

Ahem.

What's more, I can finally reveal that the third book in the series, called Love... Under Different Skies, will also be out in 2013 and will feature the further adventures of Jamie, Laura and Poppy.

There will simply be no escape from Spalding, people.

I'll be on your computer, in your book shops, newsagents and in your supermarkets. Soon, you won't be able to pop into Tesco to pick up some marigolds and a tube of Smarties without seeing this stupid face leering out at you from the book display next to the Krispy Kreme donut stand:



I'm delighted to be taking this next step in my career as a writer. Being self-published has been a fantastic start to my career, not least because it's given me a chance to communicate with all of you, but to take things to the next level I need the support a major publishing house like Hodder & Stoughton can provide.

I have a fantastic agent who worked to bring the Hodder deal about and is also working hard on deals for the US market and other foreign language markets across the world. I even have interest from a film production company for the film rights of Love... From Both Sides.

Now I don't want you to think all this is going to my head. I'm still the same idiot I've always been, it's just that I now have to go to London a lot more for meetings* and I can now commute to work in pyjamas. I certainly won't start thinking I'm the bees knees or the dog's bollocks. That way lies madness, and the kind of hubris that comes right before a fall of epic proportions.

Thanks to all of you who have bought my books and taken the time to get in touch over the past few months. It's you who have put me here, and I'm very grateful to each and every one of you. I hope that I can continue to entertain you with the stuff I write in the future.

Best wishes,

Nick.

*well, lunches in over-priced restaurants where someone might occasionally say something vaguely work-related.

_____________________________

RELEASE DATES:

Coronet will publish in e-book first, starting this month with the extended  Love...From Both Sides released in e-book on 25th October, with its paperback release following on 17th January 2013, and Love...And Sleepless Nights following in e-book on 8th November and in paperback in June 2013. Love...Under Different Skies will be published in both e-book and paperback in 2013.

Saturday, 22 September 2012

Bang. Bang. Bang. Tootle. Tootle. Tootle. 365,000 ebooks sold at Amazon

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG

"...Oh Christ, what's that?"

"It's bloody Spalding banging his own drum again."

"Really? Is this blog now just dedicated to an irregular report of his flippin' book sales?"

"Seems that way. You'd think he'd come up with more than one post a month wouldn't you?"

"I know. It's pathetic."

TOOTLE TOOTLE TOOTLE TOOTLE TOOTLE

"What's that?"

"He's blowing his own trumpet."

"Surely he could have come up with a better onomatopoeia than 'tootle'?"

"You'd think so, him being a writer and all."

"Pfft. I'm frankly amazed he can sell as many as 365,000 ebooks at Amazon if that's the best he can come up with."

"It's the shitting into a pedal bin. The punters can't resist a good gross-out gag."

BANG TOOTLE BANG TOOTLE BANG TOOTLE BANG TOOTLE

"He's trying to do both at once now. It can only end in disaster."

BANG TOOTLE BANG TOOT - AAAAAARRRGGGHHH!! CRASH SMASH BASH

"See? What a numpty."

Wednesday, 25 July 2012

I'm featured on The Bookseller today...

From the article:



Amazon UK has announced another self-published author has sold well though its retail site, making it into the top ten Amazon bestsellers chart for the last three months.
Nick Spalding is selling his novel Love…from Both Sides in September for £1.59 on Kindle and describes his book as “based on real-life tales of dating disaster and relationship blunders . . . [the book is] is a warts-and-all romantic comedy for everyone who knows how tricky (and occasionally ridiculous) the quest for love can be.”
Full thing here:

Sunday, 8 July 2012

250,000 sales at Amazon

Phew.

I've now sold 250,000 books in total on Amazon.

That's a quarter of a million books. A quarter of a million.


No matter how many times I say it, it still blows me away. Especially when 90% of those sales have been in the last four months since the start of April!

I never imagined I could reach such a huge number of readers over such a short space of time, so it's something I'm extremely proud to have accomplished.

Most of these sales have been  to my fellow Brits at Amazon UK, but I'm picking some sales up at Amazon USA as well know, proving that comedy can cross the Atlantic successfully if you're lucky enough.

This level of total sales puts me in a rare group of authors who have sold that many books (and more) at Amazon... and I'm decidedly proud to be one of them.

The next few weeks promise to be interesting, given that I'm receiving attention from agents and publishers now. Exciting times could be ahead  ...if I play my cards right and don't do anything to embarrass myself*.

As ever, thanks for your continued support. It really does mean a lot to this author. I'm constantly surprised and delighted by all the nice emails, tweets and Facebook messages I receive, all of which I try my level best to respond to (apologies if I haven't answered yours. Some do slip through the cracks unfortunately).

I'll keep you up to date with further Spalding related developments... including news about what I'm writing next.

Best wishes,

Nick.

...

...

*Mind you, if I do end up cocking things up it'll make a nice anecdote for a future book I suppose.

Wednesday, 30 May 2012

100,000 sales at Amazon UK in two months


I've been watching my sales for the past few days and can now report that I've sold 100,000 since the start of April.

As you'd imagine, I'm rather pleased about this :)

This is all thanks to Love... From Both Sides taking off in a big way and hitting the Kindle Top 10. It lifted all my other books in the rankings - and I've had four of them at one time or another in the top 100 over the past few weeks.

I've also sold a few thousand at Amazon USA - which is great, considering the sense of humour in my books is resolutely British.

Also, Love... From Both Sides has been floating around the top 20 over at the Apple iTunes store for the past couple of months as well, peaking at number 7 thus far. I have no idea how many sales this represents as I publish there via the Smashwords platform, which can only provide sales figures every six weeks or so from Apple.

All in all then, things ain't going too bad for what my fiancee refers to as 'Spalding's Empire'. She does this with a sardonic roll of the eyes and a chuckle ...which is only right and proper.

If you asked me how I've accomplished this, I'd look at you with a perplexed expression on my face and go 'er...' a lot. Then, when I'd finally marshalled my brain into some sort of coherent response I would respond thus ways:

I've always tried to write the funniest books I can. That's been my number one goal - to make you lot laugh until snot comes out of your nose.

I had no idea whether doing this would be popular (after all, being covered in snot and laughing your head off on the 7.15 to Waterloo isn't the best look in the world), but I sallied forth regardless, because writing funny stuff is what I love to do.

Happily (so far) the snotty lunatic on the train look is obviously 'in' for 2012 - as the 100,000 sales on Kindle would seem to indicate.

Other than that, I try to make my books look as professional as possible - with spanky, colourful covers and a decent blurb. I also price them where I think they'll sell while still earning me a decent royalty for my efforts.

The rest has been down to the great Kindle reading public.

I can swing from the rafters shouting about how great my books are until I'm blue in the arse - and it won't have anywhere near the beneficial effect to my sales ranking that a lot of decent reader reviews has.

The publishing industry is going through a lot of changes right now (not interesting changes, mind you. Unless you're a part of the industry all the legal shenanigans and shifts in business practice are duller than a Bank Holiday weekend in Cleethorpes) and the biggest practical upshot of those changes is that YOU - the person who actually buys the books - are being given more power over what sells and what doesn't. Your reviews and word-of-mouth count more now than they ever have.

Please be nice with all that new found power though... if you're not careful you can find yourself on the slippery slope into super villainy, and that won't do anyone any good. Think of the cleaning bills if nothing else.

I have no idea how long my current levels of success will last, but I'm hoping to keep drawing in new fans with the books I have out - and I'll be writing more in the near future to keep those who already like my work happy.

This year I want to get another couple of books out at least - one of which is a rom-com based on my time in the police as a special constable. I also intend to get a third Love... book written to complete the trilogy (already have the idea for it) and then The Cornerstone part 2 beckons. I've been neglecting poor old Max Bloom for Laura and Jamie recently, and if I don't get on with the book soon he'll get stroppy and won't speak to me anymore.

Whatever happens - if I continue with this level of success or not - I can safely say I know who to thank for it.

It's not Amazon (although without their KDP program my books would never have seen the light of day) it's not any of the publishers or agents out there, and it sure as hell isn't my secondary school English teacher Mr Kendall (who once gave me a D for a horror story I wrote when I was thirteen, the utter bastard*).

It's all of you lot... the audience, the punters. 

...or as Victorian novelist Edward Bulwer-Lytton once put it: 'the great unwashed'**.

Without you all downloading my books, reading them, enjoying them, and telling other people about them I'd be precisely nowhere***.

So thanks very much from the bottom of my heart.

Here's to the next 100,000 (if I'm very, very lucky and eat all my greens).

Nick.

__________________

*Though he did also let me off detention for wearing trainers once, so we'll call it a tie.

** Yes of course I looked this up on Google. I am, after all, very definitely one of 'the great unwashed' myself.

*** Or the A16 just outside Cleethorpes, as the locals know it.


Wednesday, 23 May 2012

Two of my books are in the Kindle UK top 10!

Sweeeeeeeet.


The Amazon marketing department will be getting a Christmas card...

...because today they've punted round an email to (presumably) everyone who bought Love... From Both Sides, letting them know the sequel is now available:


I say I'll be buying the marketing department a Christmas card, but chances are it was all done by a computer somewhere. Still, on the off chance a human being was involved, I'd like to say thanks very much in case they read this.

If no humans were involved then I'd like to say thanks to the computer in binary code:

001001101010010101001010101110101010101010101010101010101010100101010101001010101010101010101010101010011010101110101011111101010010101010010100101010101010010101001010101010100101010101001010101010010101010100101010101010101010010101010101010010101010101001010101001010101010010101010101010101010101011111101000000010101010011001010101010010101001010101001010100010101010101001011111010000100101010010100

(translation: Ta.)


Sunday, 20 May 2012

All my books now in paperback at Amazon UK!

So, sod's law being what it is, I go and get all my paperbacks sorted out at Lulu because Createspace don't distribute to Amazon UK... then Createspace announce they're now distributing directly to Amazon UK.

Grrr.

Nevertheless, thanks to the opening of a new sales channel, I've gone back to Createspace like a needy ex-boyfriend - who tried to move on with a new girl, but just couldn't stop thinking about the fishnet stockings and blowjob technique of the last one and has gone back for more.

The upshot of all this blather is that you can now buy all of my books at Amazon UK.

For cheap.

...like, dirt cheap.

Yes, you can buy Fifty Shades Of Unconvincing Sadomasochism with your hard earned pennies as well - and spend a few hours wondering (like I did) how the hell it got published; or... you can buy my books instead and laugh your arse off intentionally. The choice is yours.

...and just think, every time somebody moans that they can't buy that cracking comedy book by Nick Spalding because they don't own a Kindle, you can now make them look like utter poltroons* by telling them they are stone cold wrong.

All the links are up at Amazon, but just for the sake of convenience, here they are as well:

Love... From Both Sides

Love... And Sleepless Nights

Life... With No Breaks

Life... On A High

The Cornerstone

Spalding's Scary Shorts

Buy yourself a copy of each one. Buy your friends a copy. Buy your dog a copy. If nothing else, it'll give him something to chew on other than your shoes.






*I have no idea where I dredged the word poltroon up from. I'm not entirely sure what it means, but it sounded good in my head.

Saturday, 19 May 2012

The humour chart is mine, you may have it when I'm done.

Sorry, I couldn't resist letting my ego out of the box for a second there with the title of this post.

The reason for this uncharacteristic hubris?

This:



Yep, Spalding now sits in the top three positions in the Amazon UK Kindle Humour chart.

Woo... and indeed... hoo.

I don't know if it means anything in the grand scheme of things, but it's certainly a big deal for me. I can't think of any other self-published author in the UK (or even elsewhere) who's managed to do this, and am therefore Captain Proudpants and no mistake.

***

In slightly more commonplace Spalding news, I managed to nearly expose myself to two passing women this morning.

Our apartment here in Oz is on the ground floor. You'd think that having been here for several weeks I would have learned not to throw open the curtains in only my boxer shorts.

You'd think, but you'd be wrong.

Luckily I was wearing my bestest pair of boxers, so there was no inadvertent genitalia on display. I'm leaving the country soon, so would rather avoid being deported thanks to a mild case of indecent exposure.

You see? Even riding high in the Amazon charts I can still make an arse out of myself, no problem at all.

Friday, 18 May 2012

I appear to be in a Hunger Games sandwich...

Checked the old sales rankings earlier and discovered this:

Any day you split the biggest selling trilogy of the year is a good one :) 

Speaking of The Hunger Games, I read something a few weeks ago that tickled me. 

If you do a 'Bennifer' or 'Brangelina' on the two lead characters the way the press love to do whenever two celebrities start knocking boots, you either get:

Kata... which isn't all that funny.

or Peeniss, which most certainly is.


Friday, 11 May 2012

Love... And Sleepless Nights OUT NOW!

Thanks to Amazon's upload system working faster than usual, I'm pleased to say Love... And Sleepless Nights is out now for the Kindle.

Buy your copy here:

Love... And Sleepless Nights at Amazon UK

Love... And Sleepless Nights at Amazon USA

Apple iTunes store and other retailers will have the book in the next couple of weeks.

Hope you all enjoy it!

Nick


Tuesday, 8 May 2012

Love... And Sleepless Nights on sale SATURDAY!

I'm delighted to announce that my new book Love... And Sleepless Nights will be on sale for the Amazon Kindle this Saturday, May 12th!

The book is the sequel to my best selling romantic comedy Love... From Both Sides, and continues Jamie and Laura's story with the birth of their first child. It's full of the same kind of warts-and-all comedy that's been so popular in the first book. If you enjoyed reading how Jamie and Laura negotiated their way through the perilous world of dating, you'll love how they handle the even more difficult job of having a baby...

I'll post the links to the Amazon page on Saturday once it's been uploaded to the store.

The book will also be available at the Apple iTunes store within the next couple of weeks (Apple are slower than Amazon!). I will post links once the book has been uploaded there as well.

Thanks very much and I'll post again Saturday with all the details.

Nick.



Sometimes, the hardest part of becoming a parent is keeping a straight face…

Just ask Jamie and Laura Newman, who – thanks to a rather relaxed attitude to contraception – find themselves about to have a baby. It’s obviously a terrifying prospect for a newly married couple, but as long as they stick together they’ll be fine.
They’d better, because the path between conception and those first few baby steps is littered with many obstacles – such as public sickness, rabid insomnia, violent mood swings, complicated sex, and copious amounts of swearing.
Featuring a cast that includes an overbearing mother-in-law, a terrifying mid-wife, and at least one chorus of mating humpbacks, Love… And Sleepless Nights is the hilarious sequel about what happens next.
Falling in love with another person is easy, creating a brand new one with them is where things get complicated.


Sunday, 6 May 2012

Love... From Both Sides in top 25 at iTunes

Sorry folks, I know my recent posts have mostly been about my book's rankings, but I'm proud of how they're doing and want to let people know about it!

I've been so pre-occupied with how Love... From Both Sides is doing at Amazon, that I forgot it's also on sale at other retailers via the Smashwords platform.

You can imagine how surprised I was when I took a look at the UK iTunes book store for the first time in months and discovered this:


Not too shabby, eh? 25 at the iTunes store is great!

I have no idea how many actual sales per day this is as they don't provide real time reports on copies sold like Amazon. I'll have no idea until the reports come in, which could be in a couple of months.

Nevertheless, it was an exciting thing to see when I woke up this morning and just goes to show that once a book starts to get success at one outlet, it can lead to further success at other retailers.

I'm going to have to keep an eye on the iTunes store in the future!

...oh, and here's an update on the status of Love... And Sleepless Nights: The proofing and editing are going far quicker than I thought, so it might only be a maximum of a couple of weeks before it's out to buy (at Amazon anyway, the process of getting it up on iTunes may take a couple of extra weeks).

Saturday, 5 May 2012

Three books in the Amazon UK Kindle Top 100

Well, it may end up being ever so brief, but I just checked Life... On A High's ranking and it's sat at 100:


This makes it three of my books currently in the Amazon UK Kindle Top 100, which is fantastic. It's a first for me, and I can't think of any other self-published indie authors who have achieved this in the UK (though by all means feel free to correct me if I'm wrong).

The result is down to a combination of things. The success of Love... From Both Sides (now a month in the Top10) is the main reason of course, but I also think changes to the covers of both Life... books may have helped as well. They're a lot more colourful and appealing now, which just goes to show how important a good cover can be to a book's success. 

With the release of Love... And Sleepless Nights looming do I dare dream that four of my books could break into the hallowed top 100 territory? It would certainly put a big smile on my face!

Thanks to everyone who's buying my books and keeping them high in the rankings. I promise to keep writing and cranking them out for as long as I can (and as long as you want them of course).

Love... And Sleepless Nights is coming together well, so I'm hoping to get it up around the middle of May now. Watch this space for more details.

Nick

Sunday, 29 April 2012

COMING SOON! My new book Love... And Sleepless Nights

I'm delighted to announce that my next book, the sequel to the best selling Love... From Both Sides, will be released in the next few weeks.

It's called Love... And Sleepless Nights and continues the relationship between Jamie and Laura to its next natural milestone: the birth of their first child.

I'm currently in the process of editing, and I hope to have the book launched by the end of May for the bank holiday weekend.

Subscribe to the blog and add me on Twitter and Facebook to stay updated and get more details about the launch date nearer the time.

To whet your appetite, here is the cover of the book, along with the promotional blurb:



Sometimes, the hardest part of becoming a parent is keeping a straight face…

Just ask Jamie and Laura Newman, who (thanks to a rather relaxed attitude to contraception) find themselves about to have a baby. It’s obviously a terrifying prospect for a newly married couple, but as long as they stick together they’ll be fine, right?
They’d better, because the path between conception and those first few baby steps is littered with many obstacles - such as public sickness, rabid insomnia, violent mood swings, complicated sex, and copious amounts of swearing.
Featuring a cast that includes an overbearing mother-in-law, a terrifying mid-wife, and at least one chorus of mating humpbacks, Love… And Sleepless Nights is the hilarious sequel all about what happens next.

Falling in love with another person is easy. Making a new one with them is where things get complicated.

Tuesday, 24 April 2012

Would you like to buy Love... From Both Sides in paperback at Amazon UK?

...well, I'd love it if you could too.

Sadly, Amazon UK don't appear to feel the same way.

I publish the book via a company called Createspace, which is owned by Amazon. The book is for sale at the Amazon website in America just fine (you can look at it here if you like) but getting it in the UK is proving to be a bigger pain in the arse than a horny rhino.

You see, despite the fact that Amazon UK is the same company, they don't distribute paperbacks the same way as their parent company in America. No, that would be waaaaay too easy.

Instead, us authors have to rely on the Amazon UK team to buy in the book from the external distributor. This process is slightly more complicated than the plot of a Christopher Nolan film, so I'm not going to bore you to tears with it here.

The practical upshot of this is that to get Amazon UK to stock Love... From Both Sides the buying team have to order it in. Which they won't bloody do no matter how many times I ask them.*

So, if you would like Love... From Both Sides in paperback, you'll have to let Amazon UK customer service know - maybe if you have a go at them it'll persuade them to stock it!

Here's the web page with the contact details:

Amazon UK customer service

Power to the people!




*ask, beg... it's all the same when you get right down to it.

This is my new promotional campaign. What do you think?


Monday, 23 April 2012

New cover for The Cornerstone

...because the font on the old one looked, well... boring when you get right down to it. The kind of thing you'd expect to see on the front of a really dry, old book - like one on Charlie's bookshelf.

So I had a tinker in Photoshop and now it's a lot more, well... magicky. And purpley. 

It's certainly an improvement, I think.

Anyone who believes the old maxim 'you can't judge a book by its cover' obviously hasn't tried to sell any books on Amazon.


My photoshop skills are improving all the time, it appears. Very soon I'll be able to go through all those holiday photos and make my stomach look smaller.

If you're bored and fancy a giggle, have a play with the pinch tool. It's a laugh riot:



That's me. An improvement some would say.

And just for the hell of it here's Megan Fox:



Yeah, the sad thing is... I probably still would.

Nick

Thursday, 19 April 2012

Spalding's Scary Shorts (A humorous collection of horror tales) OUT NOW!

If you haven't already bought my comedy horror short stories, they are now available exclusively in a new collection entitled 'Spalding's Scay Shorts'.

The collection features my vampire story 'Feedback', the tale of the walker with a brain 'I, Zombie', an interactive experience one boy will never forget 'Dogs Of War' and ...well, a story about mutant killer hedgehogs called 'Spine Slaughter'.

Here's the cover:


And you can pick up a copy here:

Amazon UK

Amazon USA

Smashwords

Cheers!

Spaldo.

Wednesday, 18 April 2012

Spalding's plan to conquer the Amazon UK charts continues...

...well, I'd like to say it's a plan, but let's face it, I'd be lying through my teeth, wouldn't I?

To my sheer delight Life... With No Breaks, having been on release for almost two years, re-entered the Amazon UK Kindle Top 100 today. This is of course thanks to the success I'm having with Love... From Both Sides. It looks like those who liked it are buying up my other books, leading to a rise in the rankings for all of them.

This also means I currently hold the 1,3 and 10 spot in the Humour chart, which is absolutely fantastic :)

So, as ever, a big thank you to everyone who's buying my work. It's truly appreciated!

Nick

Thursday, 12 April 2012

It's not every day you're featured on the Amazon front page...

...so you can imagine how pleased I was when this happened today:


It's thanks to Love... From Both Sides overtaking Fiona Gibson's Mum On The Run to take the number one spot in Kindle Romance.

I'm obviously delighted by this, and it's just the latest development in what's been a fantastic three weeks for the book. It looks to have really found its audience now and I hope that everyone reading it is enjoying themselves. The reviews and the comments I get on Twitter and Facebook seem to suggest this is the case!

I'm working on a sequel right now.

I can't give a firm date for when I'll have it out, but it should be sometime early summer - all things going well. So you'll get to read all about Jamie and Laura's further adventures quite soon!

In the meantime, I hope Love... From Both Sides continues its successful run and that more people continue to get as much of a kick out of reading it as I did writing it.

Nick

Monday, 9 April 2012

Love... From Both Sides hits Amazon UK Kindle top 10!

Easter weekend worked out very well for Love... From Both Sides, with it breaking into the Amazon UK Kindle top 10, peaking (so far) at number nine.

I couldn't be more pleased - and thank you very much if you're one of the thousands that have downloaded the book in the last few days.


http://www.amazon.co.uk/Love-From-Both-Sides-ebook/dp/B005L3RPP4

Saturday, 7 April 2012

The Cornerstone audio book on release now! Join Audible and download FREE!

This is a couple of days earlier than I expected, but I'm delighted to announce that the audio book version of The Cornerstone published by Audible.com is on sale now!

Unabridged and read by John Hasler, you can now immerse yourself in the story of Max Bloom and his adventures in The Chapter Lands like never before. At over 10 hours, The Cornerstone will keep you thoroughly entertained, and with a smile on your face until long after the Easter holiday.

You can purchase the audio download at the following locations:

The Cornerstone (Unabridged) at Amazon UK

The Cornerstone (Unabridged) at Amazon USA/AUS

SIGN UP WITH AUDIBLE AND DOWNLOAD THE CORNERSTONE FOR FREE!

You can also view and purchase the book at the Apple iTunes store. Just search for 'The Cornerstone (Unabridged) by Nick Spalding', or take a look at my author's page:

Nick Spalding at iTunes UK

Nick Spalding at iTunes USA



Thursday, 5 April 2012

The Cornerstone audio book released Monday!

Hi folks,

The Cornerstone audio book, being published by Audible, will be released this coming Monday!

It's going to be on the Audible store, on Amazon and in the Apple iTunes store.

I'll post links on the day of the release, so watch this space!

Nick


Monday, 26 March 2012

Love... From Both Sides is number one in contemporary romance right now!

Really pleased about this...

LFBS has been creeping up the chart for the past few weeks, and has now reached 63 overall in the Amazon UK Kindle chart, and has reached number one in the contemporary romance category :)

A big thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed the book!

Saturday, 24 March 2012

The Cornerstone is now an Audible.com audio book! Released April 8th.

I'm delighted to announce that I've now signed a deal with Audible.com to bring The Cornerstone to the exciting and ever-growing audio book market.

So, you'll soon be able to listen to Max Bloom's adventures in the Chapter Lands, as well as read about them!

This is the latest success for the fantasy novel that has been a constant feature of the Amazon UK Kindle store top 200 for the past ten months.

Thousands have downloaded the ebook and purchased the paperback in this period, and I'm very pleased that audio book fans will also now have the chance to experience the story.

The Cornerstone audio book is due for release on Sunday April 8th.

The book will be available at Audible.co.uk, Audible.com, Amazon UK, Amazon USA and the Apple iTunes bookstore.

Look out for further updates here as the release date of the audio book draws closer, and check out Audible's Facebook and Twitter: http://www.facebook.com/audibleuk / https://twitter.com/#!/audible_com






To celebrate the audio book's imminent release, the price of the ebook version is now reduced to 99p / $1.57!

Buy The Cornerstone at Amazon UK and Amazon US. Links to the right.

Wednesday, 14 March 2012

I'm in a David Walliams sandwich....

Love... From Both Sides is doing so well at Amazon right now that I find myself in a David Walliams sandwich in the humour chart:



It's very nice and snug, but the bastard had better buy me breakfast in the morning, that's all I can say...

Saturday, 10 March 2012

The Cornerstone 2: Cornerstone Harder.

Writing a sequel is both a joy and a right pain in the you-know-what.

It's a joy because you largely got all that tedious exposition and world building stuff out the way, but a pain because you have to make sure what you're writing isn't a rehash of the first book.

Due to this, I'm doing something I never did with The Cornerstone, and plotting the sequel.

Not too heavily, mind... There's nothing worse than painting yourself into a box you then struggle to get yourself out of 2oo pages down the line. If you structure everything too much at the outset, you can suffocate any creativity, and the most fun about writing for me is thinking things up on the spur of the moment and weaving them into the story.

...But I've conceded that I have to do a bit of forward planning this time - if only in terms of the overall story arc and vital elements to the story. After all, I have a successful book to live up to now, so the seat-of-the-pants approach probably isn't the way to go :)

The most important element in a fantasy story like this is of course your villain. I have to follow Morodai and the Dwellers with something as good (if not better), so I'm choosing someone with a more personal connection to Max. This should set up a very different dynamic than the first book, where Max was pretty much fighting amorphous, monstrous entities - and a villain with a very simple agenda. This time round he's going to be up against something that's going to get under his skin a lot more... The conflict between them should sizzle.

The sequel's also going to expand on the Chapter Lands, which I'm looking forward to doing as the pace of the first book necessitated a rather 'broad strokes' approach, so I couldn't get further into how the Chapter World operated. The sequel will be more concentrated on the Carvallen Chapter Lands and its denizens, which will give you a better idea of how the place runs as a society. Don't worry though, I'm not about to start printing maps and glossaries. I'm a fantasy writer, not a cartographer!

Pretty much every main character from the first book will be coming back... mainly because I'm quite attached to them, and I've thankfully thought of a way to bring them all into it again that doesn't seem forced and unrealistic (I hope!) ...and that includes Nugget the dog, who, if I'm being brutally honest, is probably my favourite character other than Max.

Timescale-wise, I'd like to get a first draft finished by the beginning of Summer and a release before autumn, but we'll have to see how it goes. I'm already feeling that the story of this book might be a bit more complicated than the first, so it may take more time to get it absolutely right and singing the right notes :)

For those of you that enjoyed the first book, I very much hope you'll like the second when it's finished. It's thanks to you that I'm writing it in the first place!

As I go along, I'll try to post more thoughts and updates here about its progress, as well as some developments with the first book The Cornerstone that are currently in the pipeline.

Best wishes,

Nick.

Tuesday, 21 February 2012

Bloggers, blogging, blog-rolls, blogosphere, bloggity, bloggity, bloggity.

So I've just spent a constructive hour or so contacting book bloggers in the US about reviewing The Cornerstone, figuring it might be a good way to promote the book and rustle up some interest state-side.

I only finished contacting the ones beginning with 'B'. There's an awful lot of people out there reviewing books, and good on 'em I say. Without word of mouth like that, us authors (unknown and famous) would be nowhere. I'll get round to the rest of the alphabet when my eyes uncross again.

Hopefully a few of them might want to review the book for me, and help push sales up in the US a bit.

If you know anyone with a book blog who might be interested in reviewing The Cornerstone, by all means let me know :)

Sunday, 19 February 2012

Are you Australian? If so, can I sell you my books?

I'm noticing from the blog's stats that a lot of Aussies seem to be visiting the blog. This probably has something to do with the fact I'm currently in Queensland and Blogger is localising the blog to here instead of the UK.

If you are Australian, then I feel quite sorry for you. Okay, you may have a gorgeous country, friendly people, a strong economy and the best peanut butter I've ever tasted... but you haven't got your own Amazon, have you?

As a Kindle author I'm naturally interested in who shops at Amazon (whatever country I happen to be in) and I can't believe there isn't an Amazon Australia. You poor buggers have to import everything from the USA as far as I can see.

If any of you are Aussies and own a Kindle I'd be interested in hearing about how easy it is for you to buy books on your device from this country. I get the feeling that there's a lot of overlooked Aussie readers out there, and I'd like to be able to promote my books to them, but I'm not sure if the market is big enough as yet.

So by all means leave a comment or email me with your thoughts if you like...

Fair dinkum.

Nick

Spalding's Racket relaunched! New look, new content... same old bloody Spalding.

I thought the blog could do with a much needed overhaul and change of direction, so here's your all singing, all dancing, new look Spalding's Racket!

The site is now all about me. ...which feeds my fragile ego nicely.

I'll be providing regular updates here on the status of my writing, including new projects and what's happening with the books that are out now. I'll also post on whatever topics happen to spring to mind, so be prepared for the usual long-winded rants and opinionated rubbish from your favourite humour writer :)

Thanks very much for visiting. Please follow the blog and add me on Twitter and Facebook to keep updated with all things Spalding.

Nick.