Hello there. Thanks for dropping by. Please put your feet up and relax - though you might want to brush the chair off first, I had pizza last night and I am, if nothing else, a messy bugger.
Here you'll find lots of information about me and my books. Most of it will probably be the truth as well, which is rare for the internet, in my experience. Enjoy!

Monday, 14 November 2011

You know you've made it when...

...you're next to the top man in light entertainment - Mr Alan Partridge :)


A-ha!!

Tuesday, 8 November 2011

The Cornerstone is awarded as one of Amazon's Best Books Of 2011!

I’m delighted to say The Cornerstone has been awarded as one of Amazon UK’s ‘Best Books Of 2011’ in the Kindle Customer Favourites category.

Here's the screen grab for proof!



The feature can be found here:

Monday, 31 October 2011

The Cornerstone featured at Daily Cheap Reads UK

The Cornerstone is featured at Daily Cheap Reads UK today :) Click the link to go to the site. It's full of great bargains!

Friday, 21 October 2011

The joys of having Amazon promote your own book at you...

Received an email this morning from Amazon UK suggesting some new science fiction and fantasy books that I might like to read. Main one featured was Nick Spalding's The Cornerstone:

























It's quite strange to have Amazon promote your own book at you, I can tell you...I was wondering why I catapulted into the UK top twenty yesterday. Now I know!

Monday, 5 September 2011

My new book Love... From Both Sides is out now!

My new book is out now! Click on the links below to buy :)

Sometimes, the hardest part of finding love is keeping a straight face.


For Jamie Newman, being a single guy isn’t proving to be much fun, especially when confronted with a sexually belligerent divorcee and a goddess so far out of his league she might as well be a different species.


Mind you, being a girl in search of love isn’t a bowl of cherries either. Just ask Laura McIntyre, who’s recently contended with a horny estate agent on a quest for light relief, and a rabid mountain bike enthusiast with a penchant for genital display.


When Jamie and Laura bump into one another (quite literally) it looks like their luck may have changed – but sometimes finding the right person is only the start of your problems…


Based on real-life tales of dating disaster and relationship blunders, Love… From Both Sides is a warts-and-all romantic comedy for everyone who knows how tricky (and occasionally ridiculous) the quest for love can be.




Tuesday, 23 August 2011

Coming soon! Nick Spalding's new book 'Love... From Both Sides'

I'm pleased to announce that my new book will be released in September on Amazon and Smashwords.

Here's the blurb:


Sometimes, the hardest part of finding love is keeping a straight face.


For Jamie Newman, being a single guy isn’t proving to be much fun, especially when confronted with a sexually belligerent divorcee and a goddess so far out of his league she might as well be a different species.


Mind you, being a girl in search of love isn’t a bowl of cherries either. Just ask Laura McIntyre, who’s recently contended with a horny estate agent on a quest for light relief, and a rabid mountain bike enthusiast with a penchant for genital display.


When Jamie and Laura bump into one another (quite literally) it looks like their luck may have changed – but sometimes finding the right person is only the start of your problems…


Based on real-life tales of dating disaster and relationship blunders, Love… From Both Sides is a warts-and-all romantic comedy for everyone who knows how tricky (and occasionally ridiculous) the quest for love can be.


More details coming soon!

Friday, 29 July 2011

Spalding’s ‘Life…’ books pass 10,000 sales this year

Today, combined sales of Life… With No Breaks and Life… On A High passed the 10,000 sales mark on Amazon for 2011.

Not bad for two comedy autobiographies about a neurotic Englishman with a fear of sponges and a magnetic attraction to extreme embarrassment…

While this figure is tiny compared to the likes of Pratchett, Fry, Bryson (and anyone else you can think of that writes the same kind of stuff I do) I’m still quite proud of myself – and of the two books.

July has been very slow for sales (damn you sunshine), so I’ve been watching the figure creep towards the magic 10,000 mark for the past couple of weeks. It did so at nine this morning. I celebrated with a stale donut and weak cup of machine coffee at work.

I’d like at this point to say thanks to everyone who has picked up a copy of either book over the past seven months. Consider yourselves all on my Christmas card list.

And for those that have left reviews – good or bad – an extra special thank you. The importance of each and every review left can’t be understated, given how many books there are out there vying for the attention of readers.

Here’s to the next 10,000 people reading all about my failed marriage, public defecation, virtual career suicide and temporary impotence.



Hang on a minute. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all…

Nick

Saturday, 9 July 2011

The Cornerstone is 99p for the summer

Hi everyone,

As Amazon have launched their summer sale with loads of prices slashed on Kindle books, I thought I might follow suit with one of mine.

The Cornerstone is now available for the low, low price of 99p with a 4.9 overall rating at Amazon.

Here's some review sound bites to persuade you to part with your pennies:

"A rip-roaring rollercoaster of a fantasy. 5 stars." - Best selling author Stephen Leather

"A brilliant humorous urban fantasy! 5 stars." - Top 500 Amazon reviewer Shaun Horrigan

"As good as Terry Pratchett! 5 stars." - Amazon customer

"OMG, excellent book. A mix of The Neverending Story and Harry Potter-esque magic. 5 stars." - Amazon customer

"Funny, intriguing and extremely clever. 5 stars." - Amazon customer

Buy it in the UK Buy it in the USA

Thanks,

Nick.

Just in case anyone thought indie publishing was a flash in the pan...

Catch Your Death and Killing Cupid author's Mark Edwards and Louise Voss have just landed a contract with Harper Collins after selling 42,000 copies of Catch Your Death in June alone!

Congratulations to them both.

Mark's blogged about it here:


What's particularly interesting is that 42,000 figure... That's all sales in the UK. Which is great for other authors like me as it looks like the pool of readers is definitely growing in Britain!

Thursday, 9 June 2011

My 'Life...' books now re-released in new U.S friendly editions!

Best selling Amazon UK humor books now available in revised editions for American readers.

A message from Nick:

I’ve had a lot of excellent feedback from readers over the past few months following the release of Life… With No Breaks and its sequel Life… On A High.

One issue raised by you fine people in the US is that some of the very British phrases and references I use can be a bit confusing, making some of the stories and observations harder to follow.

Therefore, I’ve sat down, worked hard and done a George Lucas-like revision on both books, changing them where necessary so they make more sense to you folk across the pond. The CGI effects alone have cost millions.

So for everyone who puts their garbage in the trash rather than the bin, who takes an elevator, not a lift… and lives in an apartment, not a flat – here are special editions of my books just for you:

Life… With No Breaks: The U.S Edition

Amazon Smashwords

Life… On A High: The U.S Edition

Amazon Smashwords

Friday, 27 May 2011

The Cornerstone by Nick Spalding - Fantasy, Humour

This is my debut novel, everyone. I hope you'll take a look and pick up a copy - Nick

A great book will transport you to another world… literally, if you’re not careful.

On a gloomy Thursday afternoon, Max Bloom enters his local library in a last ditch attempt to stave off an epic case of teenage boredom.

Among the hushed stacks he discovers The Cornerstone - an ancient book tucked away on a dusty, forgotten shelf. Opening the cover, Max is torn from the library into an alternate dimension full of things intent on killing him – thus avoiding boredom with remarkable success.

He meets a beautiful girl called Merelie (brilliant), who tells him he’s the only one that can save both their worlds from the Dwellers - hideous mind sucking creatures from beyond the universe (not so brilliant).

Merelie thinks Max could be a Wordsmith, a sorcerer able to craft magic from the written word itself – one powerful enough to stop the Dwellers and their treacherous human allies.

This all sounds completely unbelievable, of course. The kind of thing you’d read in a fantasy novel… but The Cornerstone doesn’t lie - and the danger is very real.

In a world threatened by monsters, where books are worshipped and magic exists, Max Bloom must make a choice: close The Cornerstone and run home - or trust Merelie, become a Wordsmith, and save two worlds from certain destruction…

***

A novel from best selling writer Nick Spalding, author of Life… With No Breaks:

“A master story-teller… instinctively knows the right buttons to press.” - Neil Marr, BeWrite Books
“I recommend the entertaining writing...” - Red Adept Reviews
“Sorry, Mr Pratchett, I love you dearly, but Nick Spalding has raised the bar...” - Amazon customer
“Spalding delivers.” - Amazon customer
“I love Nick’s style of writing … very refreshing.” - Amazon customer
“Nick is a real talent.” - Amazon customer

***
Available now at:

Monday, 23 May 2011

Spalding featured at Daily Cheap Reads!

Hark at me talking about myself in the third person, eh? I sound like The Rock. Before I descend into gags about pie eating and the people’s elbow, I’d like to draw your attention to the fact that the lovely people over at Daily Cheap Reads are running a spotlight feature on me and Life… With No Breaks at both US and UK sites

You can take a look at the feature here:

http://dailycheapreads.co.uk/2011/05/23/spotlight-on-nick-spalding-life-with-humor-and-insight/

Daily Cheap Reads UK is the new British version of the extremely popular Daily Cheap Reads, a site dedicated (much like Spalding’s Racket) to promoting inexpensive, quality books for your Kindle.

Why not pop over and take a look?

US site is here if you’re outside the UK:

http://dailycheapreads.com/2011/05/23/uk-indie-author/

Monday, 2 May 2011

Life... On A High by Nick Spalding - Humour

Hi everyone,

I'm really pleased to announce that my new book 'Life… On A High' is out now on Amazon & Smashwords.

I hope you'll take a look and pick up a copy :)

Here's the blurb:

"Nick Spalding is back… and this time he’s airborne!

"By popular demand - and because those counselling sessions won’t pay for themselves - Nick returns in the sequel to Life… With No Breaks, with more anecdotes, stories and asides to delight and amaze.

"This time he’s writing at 40,000 feet…

"After all, what better way is there to kill forty eight hours on a round trip to Australia than holding another conversation with YOU?

"Sit back (don’t worry, we’re in Business Class so the seats are comfortable), put your feet up, and laugh out loud as Nick wends his merry way through a plethora of subjects, including age, hobbies, crime, dating the wrong women and pretending to be a banana (among many other things).

"After you’ve read Life… On A High, you may never look at the other side of the world the same way again!"

Available now at:

Amazon UK

Amazon US

Smashwords

Also still available is the first book in the series 'Life… With No Breaks' at:

Amazon UK

Amazon US

Smashwords

Sunday, 17 April 2011

Life... On A High by Nick Spalding - Released May 2011

Hi folks,

Just a quick post to reveal the name and cover for my new book Life... On A High.

It's the sequel to Life... With No Breaks and will be released at the beginning of May.

Thanks very much!

Nick

Monday, 11 April 2011

Brief hiatus for Spalding's Racket...

Hi folks,

I'm out of the country right now for work so The Racket's on a bit of a short hiatus.

Back in a week or so!

Nick.

Sunday, 27 March 2011

Would you like to feature in the sequel to Life... With No Breaks?

Hi folks,

In the next month I'll be tackling the sequel to Life... With No Breaks - and would like your help with it!

Easily the best thing about publishing the first book has been the interaction I've had with readers here and on the various forums, and I'd like you to be a feature in the second 'Life...' book.

If you've read Life... With No Breaks, you'll know its a observational / anecdotal comedy where I talked about whatever subjects popped into my head and the sequel will be similar - but (hopefully) with the twist of having you play a part in it.

I'd like you to email me questions, observations and opinions on any subjects you think I should talk about. I'll pick the best - and devote an entire chapter towards the end answering them (in what is admittedly also a cunning strategy to avoid running out of steam past 40,000 words). I won't write a word until it's the right time again, but at least I'll have your contributions ready to go when I start :)

So, if you enjoyed Life... With No Breaks and fancy seeing yourself in the sequel, why not drop me an email at nick.spalding@hotmail.co.uk?

Thanks!

Nick

Monday, 21 March 2011

Bestselling author calls Life… With No Breaks ‘hilarious’ and me a bastard!

Getting a positive review or endorsement for Life... With No Breaks is always a great boost, but when it comes from the best selling British writer on Amazon UK, it’s even better!

Stephen Leather is a crime and thriller writer whose hard hitting books have taken the Amazon UK charts by storm. There are currently three in the top twenty as I write this. He’s had the kind of impact in the UK that the likes of Joe Konrath and Amanda Hocking are having in the US.

Colour me delighted then when he said this about Life… With No Breaks:

You have to admire any writer who can produce a book as hilarious as this in just over a day. B*st*rd!”

You can buy the book that made a best selling author swear at me here:

Amazon UK £1.75, Amazon US $2.80, Smashwords $2.80

And you can find out more about Stephen Leather’s books here: www.stephenleather.com

Wednesday, 9 February 2011

The Tao Of Spalding - Advice to US authors on selling in the UK

(Also posted at Kindle Boards)

Now, I don’t claim to be any kind of expert, but I have managed to sell several thousand copies of a comedy autobiography written by a complete nobody to the good people of the United Kingdom at a decent price, so I guess I might be a wee bit qualified to offer some advice about getting an audience in the UK.

Life… With No Breaks also has 14 five star reviews. Why not buy a copy for yourself and everyone in your family?

Ahem.

Anyway… I often see posts from US authors wondering how to boost sales in Britain and I’ve contributed here and there to them. However, because it gives me a thrill to be the ‘OP’, I thought I’d start a new thread with some pearls of debatable wisdom.

To whit:

Anywhere you have a link to Amazon US, also put a link to Amazon UK. The British are a fine, intelligent, internet savvy lot, but you’re going to get zero interest from them if you force them to click on the Amazon US page about your book. They can’t buy anything from it, and none of them will (quite rightly) bother to search the UK site for your magnum opus. They all have far better things to do with their time, like trying on new bowler hats and saluting the Queen.

Drop the hard sell. Seriously, drop it like it’s hot. It doesn’t work with us. We invented cynicism and can spot a needy indie author from a mile off. Make proper contributions to UK forums, not just spam promo blurb posts. It baffles me the amount of writers out there who expect people to part with their cash when they’ve not made any genuine attempt to communicate with potential customers. You’re a writer, so write something by thunder! Impress all those British types with your posts so much that they immediately click on the link in your signature (that goes to the UK Amazon site, right?).

Check your book for its international appeal. If you’ve written something heavily mired in Americana, there’s a good chance it won’t sell anywhere outside the US, let alone just in the UK. Change any relevant descriptions, references and themes accordingly. And if you’re not sure what those references and themes may be, and why they won't work in the UK, then do some bloody research, eh? Or don’t try and sell outside America, the choice is yours.

Covers. Hmmm…. how to put this tactfully. Go spend a constructive hour on Google comparing US book covers with UK ones…





Done? Good. Notice a difference? The UK covers look more subtle some of the time, don't they? Maybe more stylised and a tad less… er… garish? Even a bit esoteric and abstract, now and again? There’s a reason for this. It’s too long and complicated to go into here, but suffice to say it might be worth re-designing your cover with a UK audience in mind. Look at the UK covers of other books in your genre and take a lead from them. Oh, and regardless of US / UK differences, for God’s sake produce a professional looking cover. The British are even less likely to forgive a cheap looking cover than you Americans.

Be patient. You’re not going to sell tons of copies quickly. It takes weeks and months to get sales going – and don’t assume that success in the US means it’ll translate over to the UK. Our reading habits are very different. There are certain genres you’re going to struggle to sell in the UK. Cozy mysteries aren’t popular here from what I can tell, neither are hardcore American political / espionage thrillers. If you want to sell in the UK in any volume, you’re going to have to put equal time into promoting to and engaging with UK readers as you do American ones.

Everything I’ve just mentioned about the UK? Do the same for Australia, Europe, Africa – and everywhere else in the world. We’re all unique people who respond to different kinds of books and differing sales techniques. If you want to sell books to people around the world, you have to understand them and the market first. This is a lot of hard work, with the potential for very little reward. But you’re a writer, right? You should be well prepared for that! Basically, be aware of the world around you a bit more if you want it to give you its money.

Lastly, keep smiling. Even when some pompous Brit is drilling advice into you in an online forum, or another one is criticising you for bad grammar / unrealistic plot developments / terrible characterisation. NEVER be negative with a reader and never let them see you hurtin'. Keep it to yourself... and maybe go fire off a few shots in the backyard. That's what you Americans like isn't it? Guns?

All the best,

Nick

Monday, 7 February 2011

The Tao Of Spalding - On Self Publishing

(Re-posted here as I've removed the original page in a fit of e-tidiness)

It’s been several months since I set sail on the deep, dark waters of self-publishing, filled with mindless optimism and hope... but sadly lacking a compass.

In that time I’ve learned a lot about the process, cyber-met some very nice people and earned enough cash for a slap-up meal in a posh restaurant of my choice (which is very handy, as I’ve just met a new lady and need somewhere swanky to take her so she doesn’t think I’m a cheapskate).

Anyone who’s been good enough to buy and read my book Life… With No Breaks will know I’m never shy to offer an opinion – usually accompanied by a few witticisms about bodily functions, and an annoying habit of writing in paragraphs that are too short.

I thought I’d put together an article on the self-publishing milieu, during what is otherwise turning out to be an afternoon duller than Paris Hilton’s IQ.
___

A monumental argument rages across the web, my friends.

There are some people that will tell you:
“Self-publishing is revolutionising the publishing industry! All agents and traditional publishers will soon be out of jobs... and good riddance to the greedy b**tards! Now anyone can become a successful author - getting their books straight to the readers and cutting out the middle man! The entire traditional publishing industry is full of Nazis, paedophiles and people who think Paris Hilton is intelligent.”

And then others will tell you:

“All self-published authors are about as talented as a pile of three day old mucus. The entire self-publishing industry is one big slush pile, full of books so packed with spelling and grammatical errors that they can cause massive and irreparable brain damage if you so much as glance at the first page. Don’t buy a self-published book because people will think you’re a communist.”

The truth – as is the case in many arguments of this type- is probably somewhere in the middle.

Of the very nice people I mentioned in the first paragraph, some are genuinely talented writers. There’s at least three I can think of who are more than good enough to be successfully published traditionally, and it baffles me why they’re not.

(And if you’re one of my fellow authors reading this - then yes, of course I mean you.)

There’s a right old load of codswallop floating about out there too, but this is to be expected. If writing to a high standard was easy we’d all be doing it - and going to the same holiday resorts as James Patterson and Jo Rowling (I’ve have no idea where they are, but I bet the drinks in the mini-bar aren’t cheap).

I’ve read self-pubbed books with a good story but terrible spelling and grammar, and I’ve read technically excellent books - with stories as dead as my goldfish Spanky after I neglected to feed him for two weeks when I was fourteen.

You know what though? I’ve never read anything that made me want to throw up, kill the author, or gouge out my eyes with a rusty spoon.

There are people who have the opinion that all self-published work is universally terrible. These people are idiots, who should be ignored and never invited to parties. To dismiss an entire (and fast growing) section of the writing community is arbitrary and grossly unfair. While there are a lot of awful books about, there are also some brilliant stories that deserve attention and might not get it if this attitude prevails.

Having said that, some self-published writers need to get a grip too…

Agents and traditional publishers are not demons from the seventh circle of Hell, who sit on thrones made of bones, eating babies while deliberately dashing the hopes and dreams of every new writer who has the temerity to send them an unsolicited manuscript.

They are in it for the money, though...and I know that for some people this is tantamount to the same thing.

Fact: Agents and publishers sign up new writers all the time. How do we know this? Because new writers get published all the time. Every top selling author who can afford the drinks in the mini-bar was once a new writer that a publisher took a chance on. Anyone that tells you any different can be uninvited to the same parties as the group of idiots above.

The trick is to write a really good book that’s spelt and edited correctly.

This is the bit a surprising number of writers seem to forget about in their rush to condemn the gate-keepers of the industry.

Some writers also forget that the people you really have to be nice about in public (whatever your private opinions) are the readers. Insulting a reader – no matter how much they hated the 100k word fantasy epic you’ve slaved over for the past six years – is dumber than a bucket of spanners. Word of mouth spreads about an author as much as the books they write. Keep the punters happy, no matter what.

Of course, the people who are really happy in all of this are the cheeky executives at Amazon, Smashwords and similar, who kick-started this whole thing off in the first place.

Yes, self-publishing existed before, but it was a right ball-ache to get anything done and cost quite a lot of cash. Now, you can upload your masterpiece to the interwebs for bugger all - other than the time spent mucking about with the HTML tags and paragraph indents.

I can see in my head the meeting they had at Amazon:

Exec One: “Right, so how are we going to exploit all these mouth breathers who think they can write a book?”

Exec Two: “Er…let them upload their books for free and we take a massive cut of the royalties if they sell any?”

Exec One: “But what if the book doesn’t sell?”

Exec Two: “Doesn’t matter! There’s hundreds and thousands of the mugs out there! Even if each one only sells ten books, we’ll still rake it in!”

Exec One: “That’s brilliant! …by the way, have you seen Paris Hilton’s latest show? It’s fantastic.”

I’ve often voiced the opinion that the best thing Amazon and Smashwords could do for their authors is set up some kind of quality control system so that the best books get the best service, but this would be quite expensive and would cut into those healthy profit margins Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dum are talking about above.

No matter which side of the fence you come down on in the self-publishing vs traditional publishing war – always remember that everyone involved is in it for the money.

My own personal experience of self-publishing has been a largely positive one. By my own admission, Life…With No Breaks is a weird little book and I never expected it to become a best seller - but I’ve had a steady trickle of sales and a good level of feedback. It’s been lovely to get positive reviews, and even the negative ones have been interesting to read. As a writer, all constructive feedback is welcomed - and only agonised over for an appropriate amount of time before necking a bottle of Jack Daniels and kicking the cat.

I never got into this thinking it’d make a) rich, b) famous, c) more attractive to women, or d) invited to the Amazon Christmas party. If all the authors who chose to publish using this route have that same attitude, I’m sure they’ll have fun and enjoy it as much as I have.

But becoming the next Stephen King via self-publishing? Not a f**king snowball’s chance in Hell, in my ‘umble opinion.

So what does the future hold? For me personally it might well be trying to respond to lots of angry comments about this article, but for self-publishing in general things are only going to get bigger.

Better? …the jury's still out on that as far as I'm concerned, but there's no doubt the self-published mountain of material will continue to grow as more prospective writers decide to go the route of the self-published.

As Terry Pratchett said, writing is indoor work, with no heavy lifting, so it's no wonder millions of people would like to do it for a living. They might well get to do it more easily as a hobby in the future, but earning proper cash writing isn't going to get any easier.

Agents and publishers will always exist, because whether some writers like it or not, the general public need a filter between them and authors, to sieve out the gold from the dirt. The review section on Amazon doesn't cut it and never will. Readers are very savvy and know that one man's meat is another man's poison. Traditional publishing lends an air of legitimacy and will continue to do so, ensuring the public keep buying traditionally published books over self-pubbed ones.

Having said all that, the industry needs to pull its head out of its collective arse and stop looking down on self-published authors. There's money in them there self-published hills and the first company who realises that will be able to afford all the mini-bar drinks they want in the future.

But hey… what the hell do I know, eh? I crapped myself in public once and wrote a short story about killer hedgehogs.

All the best,

Nick.

Tuesday, 25 January 2011

Life... With No Breaks now available in paperback!

My book Life... With No Breaks is now available in paperback at Lulu.com.

It's priced at £6.99 - with a current 15% discount.

US and other overseas customers will have to visit the site to see how much it is for them. The 15% off will apply to everyone who buys the book.

Thanks very much and best wishes :)

Nick

Life... With No Breaks at Lulu.com